Small steps...

My cousin Julie is a superstar!  No, I really mean it.  I've been struggling to get back on the "healthy path" and a conversation with her the other day at my cousin's graduation party REALLY made me re-evaluate my thoughts towards this journey.  I was so worried about pushing myself to do everything right at the same time, full throttle.  Instead, I should be giving myself small goals to ease my way into it.

Today was my first test.  I said I was going to make shakes for the next few days, I wanted to walk (even if it was around the block), and I wanted to apply for at least 2-3 more jobs today.  ALL GOALS MET!  I feel so accomplished and motivated to do even better tomorrow.  Mentally I've not really been in the game lately, mostly worried about my Grandma Tomasi and my sister (who recently got hit in the noggin).  That being said, I'm proud of myself for reaching my goals for the day.

Now I'm going to enjoy the rest of the evening with my beautiful wife and remember to say my prayers before bed.

Thanks for the support all!

It will never be an "easy" road!

Ugh!  Feeling down lately.  My on-going struggle to lose weight has me frustrated.  Lately I've been not able to participate in things that I want to do because of my weight.  Before it was just a "looks" thing, but now it is effecting my life.  Chronic foot pain from Plantar Fasciitis, being out of breath constantly, feeling sluggish, and just plain sick.  I just want to be healthy again.  You really, truly don't know what you are missing until it is gone.  It is beginning to effect my work, my family, my extra curricular activities, and much more!  I don't think I'm making a big enough change or losing my weight at a decent rate.

I've recently had a good friend of mine from my old school days lose so much weight.  I'm super proud of him and think his story is an astounding one but truthfully the recent coverage and knowledge of his story only makes it harder to stay mentally in the game.  I've had so many people come up to me, send me a message, or just nonchalantly throw it into conversation- "Did you hear about so and so and what they did?"  "See it can be done!", as if to say "What is your excuse?!"  And if I were to talk with the guy who actually accomplished this amazing weight loss, he would agree that it is no easy road.  That is the only thing that bothers me about it and the misconceptions about weight loss.  People who have never had this struggle coming up to me and saying, "why don't you just work out and eat right?"  Like it is the easiest thing in the world to lose weight.  Two things you should know about me...I'm honest, and I'm not a quitter.  I will continue to try and lose this weight.  However, that being said...I will not allow other people's perceptions of what my journey will be based on the success of others.  Please don't compare, just offer support.  Thanks for continually reading these posts and I hope that others out there can relate to them somehow.  You are not alone.  This is a battle.

Lost...

There is a time.  A time that truly feels "lost."  People as creatures are instinctual but sometimes because of our forward thinking abilities and intelligence we over think things.  Not because it is something that doesn't deserve an immediate choice or response but rather because we become lost.  Imagine having a list of goals, reaching a good amount of them, becoming the person you feel comfortable with, but also wanting more.  I bet that is exactly what you are.  It is ok to feel this way.  We are evolving our ideas constantly.  That feeling of being lost however comes from being at the crossroads and not being able to see the outcome of the journey.  

I am at a crossroads in my life.  I'm a 31 year old man and most would say that is young but it doesn't feel that way.  I am the envy of all my single friends, simply because they see the American Dream (Lie) that I've been able to achieve.  I jokingly say "lie" because while most people around the world would view my simple American life as something they desire, it feels empty because the inner workings of this American Dream is actually frayed by some truly sad truths.  Yes, I have a wonderful wife!  We have two cars and a house.  We have a great dog and eat three square meals a day.  But guess what, it isn't what you think.  I say that because as happy as all of those things make me...I still stand at a crossroad.  I can see the paths, some are long and full of disappointment.  Some of them I can't see what is ahead.  Fear is what keeps me at these crossroads, that and a lack of what us American Dreamers call "the green stuff."  Interesting that the government prints "in God we trust" on money but God says we shall not worship false idols.  I don't know any greater false idol then money.  

Goals to which I still aspire to accomplish but fear I will never walk the path are:

*Being able to have children (as I, personally have infertility issues)

*Being able to write and publish books

*Being able to be a career actor, working often

*Owning my own business

*Traveling to places I've never been in this country and others

*Being able to feel physically healthy and active

*Training at Second City Chicago

Yes, some of these are wants and not needs but in my heart of hearts they will always be needs.  This list is small but all of these things are part of my evolution as a person, as an artist, as a creative being.  Any one of these things would bring me the joy I felt when I first met my wife, married her, and have the absolute bliss of waking up next to her each day.  Some are more joyous dreams than others but mostly they all share the same level of happiness.  Don't get me wrong, some of you are reading this and saying "wow, he is really in a sad place."  This isn't true, I count my blessings each night.  I know that I am blessed to have found the one true love of my life so early on, own a home in the most free country in the world, be able to share memories with family and friends.  I get it.  But as a human I still crave the joy of being a father, an author, an thespian, a business owner, a traveler, at peace with my physical and spiritual being, and a comic.  If that is difficult to understand, well then just look within yourself and find the list you hold onto in your heart.  I'm not sad, I'm lost but all I can hope is to take a road, navigate my way through the journey and come out a better man on the other side.   

Motivation...

I think the thing that is sometimes the WORST better life blocker is lack of motivation.  It is astounding how motivation can completely change your day, your week, your month, and your year.  I have been having a horrible time with motivation but my wife and I are implementing some different techniques to keep us on track.

**NUMBER ONE**
Take it slow!!  One thing that seems to always derail our motivation is throwing too many goals on top of each other and trying to accomplish all of them at once.  It is overwhelming and sometimes the smallest mis-step can throw you into a tailspin.  Admit it, you've decided to eat that cheeseburger and not work out on a Monday, then you begin to ask yourself, why even try this week when I've already screwed up?  Then as you continue through the week the weight of your goals consumes your mind but doesn't consume your time.  You lose motivation and eventually forget about the laundry list of goals you had in the first place.  INSTEAD, start slow.  This week my wife and I are swearing off cola pops and we've stocked our fridge with healthy foods to keep us satisfied.  Two simple goals but as time continues we will add goals and maintain our course.

**NUMBER TWO**
Eliminate the veg-time suckers!  Namely the routine of coming home and plopping down in front of the television.  The same rule applies as number one above, once you go down the road of TV time suck...it is VERY hard to be motivated enough to get off the couch and go workout.  We have stopped our cable service and normally we watch only a couple hours of TV a night, which is still too much in my opinion.  Gaming is also a time suck, be sure to limit your gaming time.

**NUMBER THREE**
Track your progress and goals some how.  Honestly there are two schools of thought here- A.) you are in the category of tracking everything you eat and every exercise you do.  B.) You minimize the level of tracking progress while still accomplishing a visual reminder of your goals.  For instance we started a goal chart that has different rewards for us, but the rewards cannot be obtained if we don't reach that goal level.  This week our goal was to do something athletic every day and we tracked on the calendar.

Please let me know your motivators!!

Update, New Year = New Fears...

So after the conditioning program I had backed my weight down to 415 and I felt like I became educated about what to do at the gym once I get there.  I am extremely fortunate to have found that program, even if it only lasted 8 weeks.  In other news I started a new job, which I think I've been using as an excuse for not working out as much.  Over the holidays I ate terribly and when I checked my weight I had sprang back up to 426.  Ugh!!  New Years = New Fears I guess, fears that I am sliding backwards again.  Emotionally my family, and specifically my wife & I have been on an emotional roller coaster.

Need to reset and find my motivation.

Loud and Proud...

I'm supremely happy to kick off this conditioning program today with my first full body, circuit training work out.  No part of my body isn't completely sore.  THIS is what I was missing.  Before I get a million comments about "don't go all out in the beginning" or "take it slow", know that A.) I've been "taking it slow" for 13 years!  B.) This isn't my first rodeo, I was once in the best shape in my life when I was in track & field 13 years ago, although I didn't know it at the time.  C.) This pain is "good" pain, I miss it and it is exactly what I need supplement my change in eating habits.  So in short, I'm proud of myself for NOT getting the surgery and I just finally had an "a-ha!" moment where I feel I've made the right decision.  Yes, in the short term (probably a year or so) I will have to deal with the weight on my organs, my joints, and my body overall but in the long run I wouldn't choose a different path if I had to do it over again.  

This all being said, I'm NOT the only champion to brag about!  My cousin Julie Pratt really continues to blow my mind with her commitment and perseverance to living a healthy lifestyle and leading by example.  This past weekend she participated in a triathlon- not a little walk, or even a run...a friggin triathlon!!  Not only did she finish but she made a goal of the time she wanted to beat it in and BEAT her goal time.  I am so inspired by her and in honor of her I'm going to be entering my first Run/Walk event next year!  I will give myself enough time to train for it and I plan on making it a goal for 2014!  Thanks for the gusto Jules!  

Signing off for now but I will let you all know how things go throughout this journey!

New Plan...

I left things off kind of undecided but in the end I think I have a new plan.  With the help of the UofM Bariatric Conditioning program I will complete an eight week, personalized training plan that will educate me, address all areas of my body that need to decrease fat and increase muscle that I've lost, and get me started.  The idea is to get me knowledgeable with a program that I can do at my own gym and help me with both accountability and maintenance.  

Bonuses to choosing this program-

• The price tag isn't bad
• UofM Bariatric Conditioning program is in Ann Arbor (not too far away)
• The people who run the program deal with people my size on a regular basis
• The program isn't solely relying on the people running it, I actually have to teach myself to make working out a part of my daily schedule. 

We did research personal training otherwise and the price was just too much for us right now.  What has this taught me?  Thinking about my entire scenario, I really wish I would have started this sooner.  For years I tried many solutions but always said I couldn't afford a workout program like this but the truth is EVERYONE should have access to a program like this.  Especially if you are in the situation I'm in!  We need to pressure our insurance agencies, government oversight groups, and the health industry to support healthy solutions to losing weight (the alternative to a surgery that has risk, and life long complications). Speaking to some of the business owners that have personal training companies, they wish the health industry and insurance companies would fold them into the mix of weight lose solutions because their businesses would do MUCH better and it would add a surge of economic development in this field.  

That is the plan!  "Check in" with me to see how I'm doing.