I am at a crossroads in my life. I'm a 31 year old man and most would say that is young but it doesn't feel that way. I am the envy of all my single friends, simply because they see the American Dream (Lie) that I've been able to achieve. I jokingly say "lie" because while most people around the world would view my simple American life as something they desire, it feels empty because the inner workings of this American Dream is actually frayed by some truly sad truths. Yes, I have a wonderful wife! We have two cars and a house. We have a great dog and eat three square meals a day. But guess what, it isn't what you think. I say that because as happy as all of those things make me...I still stand at a crossroad. I can see the paths, some are long and full of disappointment. Some of them I can't see what is ahead. Fear is what keeps me at these crossroads, that and a lack of what us American Dreamers call "the green stuff." Interesting that the government prints "in God we trust" on money but God says we shall not worship false idols. I don't know any greater false idol then money.
Goals to which I still aspire to accomplish but fear I will never walk the path are:
*Being able to have children (as I, personally have infertility issues)
*Being able to write and publish books
*Being able to be a career actor, working often
*Owning my own business
*Traveling to places I've never been in this country and others
*Being able to feel physically healthy and active
*Training at Second City Chicago
Yes, some of these are wants and not needs but in my heart of hearts they will always be needs. This list is small but all of these things are part of my evolution as a person, as an artist, as a creative being. Any one of these things would bring me the joy I felt when I first met my wife, married her, and have the absolute bliss of waking up next to her each day. Some are more joyous dreams than others but mostly they all share the same level of happiness. Don't get me wrong, some of you are reading this and saying "wow, he is really in a sad place." This isn't true, I count my blessings each night. I know that I am blessed to have found the one true love of my life so early on, own a home in the most free country in the world, be able to share memories with family and friends. I get it. But as a human I still crave the joy of being a father, an author, an thespian, a business owner, a traveler, at peace with my physical and spiritual being, and a comic. If that is difficult to understand, well then just look within yourself and find the list you hold onto in your heart. I'm not sad, I'm lost but all I can hope is to take a road, navigate my way through the journey and come out a better man on the other side.
